Monday, September 28, 2009

Of Health, Family and Overly Defensive.

Hi all. I've been leaving this blog in limbo since i've found the joy of updating my status via FB on mobile. No excuses for that apart from that i've not been training as much, and thus, has not been able to write or update about my training regime, towards the coming races such as Powerman 09 and IM 10.

It seems that my health are not exactly at it's peak. But it is not that i am not healthy. I am just well, healthy but with issues. I've gotten loads of encouragement from others asking about me.

To be very frank, i am in denial. While some might see this as a "worse case scenario" with their (medical) diagnosis (Yes Doc Hisyam, i know), i am simply in denial.

"I am 33, and i am young. What could go wrong?"

A Lot Apparently.

Anyway, i am low on iron. Something really simple but it causes much havoc in my system. Read about it here : Iron Deficiency

I have all the symptom and an extra headache which seems to come from behind my right eye. There seems to be something trying to PUSH my eye ball out. Not funny. There seems to be a knot on my right temple that could move from the front to the top portion of my right ear. Pressing it give instant pleasure and gratification (no, not the type you think it is).

I've asked Doc to get me an appointment with the a physician and determine if i need a colon scope and/or upper GI scope. I asked him to thrown in an MRI or CAT for the head too, just in case.

On Family - My sis, Ee-Von, just got married and now enjoying time off with her husband in Bali. It must had been stressful wedding for them. There were a few things that made me think about what is happening or has happened. I know this will be like washing dirty linen in public, but i tried very hard to not speak of it openly.

You see, there were a rift between my family (myself, my sis, my parents) with my mum's family (easier said, my Dad's in law la!).

Believe this, my granma disowned my mum. Embarassing isn't it?

Reasons for this? Oh well, apparently there were a lot of reasons given by my granma. But we aren't sure if she was the one that started it but my aunts (my mum's sisters) and my uncles (my mum's brothers) for reason only known to them.

This has gotten my mum really riled up and stressed up to the extend she needed sleeping pills to sleep at night. But she has resorted to religion, listening to Puja to calm her mind and soul. It apparently worked for her.

Despite all that, my mum has never given up and has not "disown" her own mum. Week in and week out, she goes to my granma's place to beg for her forgiveness (and to check how she was - because it seems, all her other childrens are not even there everytime she and my dad visit!).

The extended family that stays at the other 2 houses knows of my mum's situation and they too, take and do whatever they could to help eliviate her worries. In short, if it wasn't for them, my mum would had been mental.

Again, WHY did my granma, which i grown up to know as very loving, did this?

Apparently, MONEY is one of the reason. I have a very rich aunt. So rich that she could buy off my uncle's debt and forever make him indebted to her. She is so rich she could sell off a Merc at below market value to an aunt's husband, and that too, make them "close" because this uncle is now "same level, so to speak" as this rich aunt.

My mum is not the first child disowned by my granma. My eldest uncle and his family were all disowned. My late second uncle family, also disowned.

All for reasons only known to my granma (and her cronies).

F up, isn't it?

And the best thing is, my mum's family preaches and laugh at others for not valuing their family. Growing up, they often pride themselves as one strong unit. I never deny that as i am very close to my mum's family. But the take home message were loud and clear when my mum's cousin loudly mentioned during the wedding dinner that "They only know how to judge people, but they aren't any better at all" - refering to the next table where my mum's family were sitting.

Going back a week in timeline. My mum managed to convince her family to show up for the Sunday do and the Monday tea ceremony. I've not seen my mum so happy, as she seems to think that the family has accepted her back again.

But reality quickly sank in when the food she catered for her family were unconsumed.

They did not show up except my granma, the rich aunt and an uncle with his wife (this uncle is cool, but he too, is reliant on my rich aunt for kick back).

The family has about 50 people. None of them showed up except the four above.

Food down the drain. Money down the drain. The only one happy are the caterer.

On the other hand, my dad's family, which are all 120% vegetarian, showed up (except the youngest brother, which by the way, are so queen controlled, that i think he can't change his underwear without the wife's permission). They came, knowing that food will be limited. They came, and make do with whatever they could eat.

The next day, on the wedding day itself. We all know the chinese pride themselves with their tea ceremony. You know what? My mum's family not only came late (and delayed to process), but only my granma and the rich aunt showed up!

It is like putting salt to my mum's wound. But i remained calm.

Then came the dinner, and the six tables allocated to the bride's family went haywire because my mum's family decided that they do not want to sit with some of the extended (and disowned) families. Myself, Wifey and my in laws were all misplaced elsewhere! Saving grace were, again, my dad's aunt (my late granpa's sister), which not only represented my dad's family (vegetarian dinner conducted last month, it was ceremoniously and well attended by them from dad's side), they showed the rest of the mum's family how it should be done.

I was very sad. Angry. Coupled with my pale appearance and pounding headache, it made matter worse. The aunts and uncles showed up for the wedding dinner with my granma and rich aunt. There were so much hostility as if they were forced to come.

Anyway, the dinner went well later and i decided to be courteous. Mum too, decided to try to close rank - but failed. Too much resistance from the others! I can't believe that!

And this morning, just this morning, the daughter of one of my uncle (which also play a part in disowning my mum), greeted me at the office lift lobby. I did not know she was working in the same building as i am. I am happy that she did that. She proved to me that there is still hope, at least for my generation in the family.

There. Linen washed. But i believe this will stay dirty for a long time to come.

Lastly, on being overly defensive.

I am under a lot of stress and pressure at work. Which also explained the scarce update in this blog.

I will write on this the least as i am aware that my writing are being monitored.

Lets just say that i have my responsibilities running the program and there is a reason why it only takes me 2 years to be where i am now. I am not saying that i am "that good", but it has to be something else why am i here running the program to start with?

I clocked in the equal amount of time everyday like it is an Ironman race for me. I push myself through without fear or favour and lets just say at this point of time, i am not a favourite with management outside of Malaysia or Asia.

I can't believe a group of people with more than 15 years of working experience individually gets riled up by someone that is 33 years old with less than 10 years of working experience and has to be overly defensive with every single thing i brought up.

Either what i said hits the nail right at the center or they think what i said are just BS.

If it is BS, then remove me and replace me with someone that could do the work better (and can suck up to all of you as well).

I can always ply my trade somewhere else and now i start to regret (eventhough i told myself i shouldn't be) when the client (two different department) tried to pinch me over 5 months ago.

I got to go get a life, or at least get back what i've lost over the past 2 years.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Congrats Ebengy and Ee-Von

My lil sister that is younger by 4 years got married yesterday, 21st September.

It is really a different experience for the family as this is the second marriage that happened and from a totally different perspective where my parents are "sending" off their daughter.

I was made MC designate for the wedding reception and was a bit jittery to begin with. Actually, i shouldn't be, since i can't stop talking.

The day started on Sunday, which coincidently was my parents' 34th Wedding anniversary.

There were a small eating session, which my mum over-catered for families, only to see them not showing up. It was really sad to see the wastages. Not helping with the holiday season where a lot of people either had made plans much earlier and has RSVP-ed out of courtesy or the typical Malaysia Tak-Apa attitude.

But we chose not to see the down side of it and just enjoy the company of those that made it.

Everything was geared towards the big day on 21st.

As usual, the chinese wedding would not be completed without the "torturing" session. My mum sort of helped his future son-in-law by giving the convoy the house key! Cheeky!

Heng Tai(brother) to Groom : If they make us eat those bird eye chillis again, you're on your own, ok?

But it was all fun and good end of the morning session. The compulsory tea ceremony went as expected with me taking place after my parents to recieve the tea.

It was new for me and Wifey. I guess there are priviledge being the eldest.

I can't imagine the day she get married and how i will be feeling

The bride and groom then next went back to the groom's house where there is another waiting party and tea ceremony to attend to.

For me, this session was particularly significant because the traditional top that was worn by my sister belongs to wifey, and it was worn by two other friends before as well. It is not easy to find something this traditional and not the cliche Cheongsam.

I hope this Kua will be worn by my youngest sis, then by either Ryan's wife or Nadia when they get married. I know it is really too far of some thinking, but at the rate the kids are growing up, it makes you wonder if i will be 50 tomorrow and they getting hitched (at 18???) Never say never, i guess.

The rest of the day was spent resting at home and me going through the reception flow and writing the transcript while sitting on the toilet bowl and later, lying down trying to appease the head-thumping-ache and racing heart.

It is my sister's wedding. I must do it. I will. I must.

I left early to the venue and left Wifey and the kids to come later with my MIL and SIL. Part of the plan is to lessen the exposure time for Ryan before he turns uncontrollable again. It is embarrassing sometimes, and you can imagine that i am already quite thick skin - just how more embarrassing it could be when Ryan starts to be tyRyant!

There were a little hiccup with the seating arrangement but nothing the families and fantastic helpers (friends mostly) could not solve. The show went on and i was MC designate.

Practice make perfect, but i was jittery. The main aim, i told myself, was not to embarass myself or the newlywed. So i kept to the minimal.

It worked fine until somewhere between the first course and second Ryan turned tyRyant.

No choice. Wifey decided to pack them up and goes back home. Sacrifices she has to make. Love you darling.

The rest of the evening went much smoother as the hungry stomachs were fed.

Then came the toast. I am speaking in English when the crowd are 85% chinese educated.

This is like selling medicine in English to a crowd of Swahili speaking natives.

Somehow, the food must had been good that the crowd did not really noticed what i've even said.

The toast went on well with the customary YAM SENG!

Brig. Jen. Goh (groom's dad) and Ben, the groom went on to give their speeches and all wells, ends well!

Congrats again to the both of you, my sister, Ee-Von and my new addition to the family, Ben. We only hope and wish that your marriage will be blessed and would be filled with all things hot(like the chillies), all things bitter (like the freshly made bittergourd drinks), all things flavorful (that yellow liquid, i am not even sure what was that!) and all things sweet (like the peanut butter).

My sister is not a hard person to please, i've spent a big part of my life growing up with her, arguing and had our spats of "no talking period". But essentially, we are all a family, and family stick by you, and stand up for you in whatever you do.

Welcome to the family and i wish both of you nothing but the best in offsprings,health and wealth!!!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Not Been Too Well

I was down with food poisoning on Monday, despite only eating items available at home. The only variable was the nasi lemak that wifey bought after her run on Sunday.

But that would been too long of a period for any bacteria to gestate before it became full blown food poisoning, no?

I was frequenting the toilet bowl every other hour on Monday, less on Tuesday, even lesser on Wednesday and only twice yesterday.

Today, i found my appetite to eat again.

Along those days of this week, i had to battle gastric as i can't take in much solids, let alone energy beverages such as Milo.

And two days ago, i had this nauseating feeling with my head pounding and heart racing with cold sweat breaking. Going up the stairs was a chore, i had to lie down for fear of blacking out.

Waking up from sleep was fine until i stood up and start feeling dizzy again.

Low blood pressure?

Low Sugar?

Today, or rather, 10 minutes ago, after much persuasion (and not very happy one at that) by mum and wifey, i decided to go to the panel clinic to check.

The doctor, which i saw like just a week ago, was surpised to see me all pale.

He compared his palms with mine. I was shocked myself.

Pressure 120/60. Normal.
Heartrate 76bpm. This is at least 16bpm higher than my resting heartrate, and at least 26bpm compared to what i wakes up with.

He had me laid down. Took my blood sample.

I know how my blood looked like in volume and i was pretty shocked to see them so....watery. It is usually thicker. This one, watery, but red. But not dark red.

He say he will call when the lab get back to him.

He told me to go home, rest. If i am driving, consider to get my wife to pick me up.

I walk.

I walked back to office, and now I am typing this, I can feel my heartbeat on my head. It feels like i did a good interval run, minus warm sweat, but cold sweat.

A colleague asked me how come i don't look as tan, and if i've not been training.

I told her about the food poisoning and the visit to the doctor and she says no wonder why i looked so pale, and tired.

What is happening?

I am not sure. I am waiting for the doc to call me once the blood results comes back.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

The Moon. The Moon.

Nikon D90 + 70-300G.
ISO100, 300mm, F9 at 1/640.

I love the moon.

And then i pimp it up a bit more, and add a corny line.

I think i've managed to capture it, the way i want to see it, finally.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

LIMF - LeTuang Impossible Mission Force : Mission 4th Floor

This entry got nothing to do with anyone dead or alive, famous or otherwise. Any resemblences are highly regretted.

We figured out, as part of our plan to take over the country, going in to the 4th Floor dressed as Taliban might not be a very good choice.

Some of the members that has accepted the challenge to "do the country a big favour" has decided to dress up as the Premier's wife.

This should allow at least one of them to get passed the security (and also Toll Keeper KJ).

But the question remain - WHO?

Your pick, please.

1. Puan Sri Dr. Azlia

2. Puan Sri Dr. XXXXXX
Removed as he will be involved in a real covert operation. His status is now unknown. Elevated to higher position in the team.

3. Puan Sri Dr. Shazliza

4. Puan Sri Dr. Eevana

5. Puan Sri Dr. Kharisa

6. Puan Sri Dr. Rafiqah

It will be a dangerous mission and we could possible strap/pack ourselves with enough C4 to "get into the shape" and mimic Puan Sri Dr.

Whoever that managed to do the above and success, will be made a matyr.

Vote now.