Monday, September 28, 2009

Of Health, Family and Overly Defensive.

Hi all. I've been leaving this blog in limbo since i've found the joy of updating my status via FB on mobile. No excuses for that apart from that i've not been training as much, and thus, has not been able to write or update about my training regime, towards the coming races such as Powerman 09 and IM 10.

It seems that my health are not exactly at it's peak. But it is not that i am not healthy. I am just well, healthy but with issues. I've gotten loads of encouragement from others asking about me.

To be very frank, i am in denial. While some might see this as a "worse case scenario" with their (medical) diagnosis (Yes Doc Hisyam, i know), i am simply in denial.

"I am 33, and i am young. What could go wrong?"

A Lot Apparently.

Anyway, i am low on iron. Something really simple but it causes much havoc in my system. Read about it here : Iron Deficiency

I have all the symptom and an extra headache which seems to come from behind my right eye. There seems to be something trying to PUSH my eye ball out. Not funny. There seems to be a knot on my right temple that could move from the front to the top portion of my right ear. Pressing it give instant pleasure and gratification (no, not the type you think it is).

I've asked Doc to get me an appointment with the a physician and determine if i need a colon scope and/or upper GI scope. I asked him to thrown in an MRI or CAT for the head too, just in case.

On Family - My sis, Ee-Von, just got married and now enjoying time off with her husband in Bali. It must had been stressful wedding for them. There were a few things that made me think about what is happening or has happened. I know this will be like washing dirty linen in public, but i tried very hard to not speak of it openly.

You see, there were a rift between my family (myself, my sis, my parents) with my mum's family (easier said, my Dad's in law la!).

Believe this, my granma disowned my mum. Embarassing isn't it?

Reasons for this? Oh well, apparently there were a lot of reasons given by my granma. But we aren't sure if she was the one that started it but my aunts (my mum's sisters) and my uncles (my mum's brothers) for reason only known to them.

This has gotten my mum really riled up and stressed up to the extend she needed sleeping pills to sleep at night. But she has resorted to religion, listening to Puja to calm her mind and soul. It apparently worked for her.

Despite all that, my mum has never given up and has not "disown" her own mum. Week in and week out, she goes to my granma's place to beg for her forgiveness (and to check how she was - because it seems, all her other childrens are not even there everytime she and my dad visit!).

The extended family that stays at the other 2 houses knows of my mum's situation and they too, take and do whatever they could to help eliviate her worries. In short, if it wasn't for them, my mum would had been mental.

Again, WHY did my granma, which i grown up to know as very loving, did this?

Apparently, MONEY is one of the reason. I have a very rich aunt. So rich that she could buy off my uncle's debt and forever make him indebted to her. She is so rich she could sell off a Merc at below market value to an aunt's husband, and that too, make them "close" because this uncle is now "same level, so to speak" as this rich aunt.

My mum is not the first child disowned by my granma. My eldest uncle and his family were all disowned. My late second uncle family, also disowned.

All for reasons only known to my granma (and her cronies).

F up, isn't it?

And the best thing is, my mum's family preaches and laugh at others for not valuing their family. Growing up, they often pride themselves as one strong unit. I never deny that as i am very close to my mum's family. But the take home message were loud and clear when my mum's cousin loudly mentioned during the wedding dinner that "They only know how to judge people, but they aren't any better at all" - refering to the next table where my mum's family were sitting.

Going back a week in timeline. My mum managed to convince her family to show up for the Sunday do and the Monday tea ceremony. I've not seen my mum so happy, as she seems to think that the family has accepted her back again.

But reality quickly sank in when the food she catered for her family were unconsumed.

They did not show up except my granma, the rich aunt and an uncle with his wife (this uncle is cool, but he too, is reliant on my rich aunt for kick back).

The family has about 50 people. None of them showed up except the four above.

Food down the drain. Money down the drain. The only one happy are the caterer.

On the other hand, my dad's family, which are all 120% vegetarian, showed up (except the youngest brother, which by the way, are so queen controlled, that i think he can't change his underwear without the wife's permission). They came, knowing that food will be limited. They came, and make do with whatever they could eat.

The next day, on the wedding day itself. We all know the chinese pride themselves with their tea ceremony. You know what? My mum's family not only came late (and delayed to process), but only my granma and the rich aunt showed up!

It is like putting salt to my mum's wound. But i remained calm.

Then came the dinner, and the six tables allocated to the bride's family went haywire because my mum's family decided that they do not want to sit with some of the extended (and disowned) families. Myself, Wifey and my in laws were all misplaced elsewhere! Saving grace were, again, my dad's aunt (my late granpa's sister), which not only represented my dad's family (vegetarian dinner conducted last month, it was ceremoniously and well attended by them from dad's side), they showed the rest of the mum's family how it should be done.

I was very sad. Angry. Coupled with my pale appearance and pounding headache, it made matter worse. The aunts and uncles showed up for the wedding dinner with my granma and rich aunt. There were so much hostility as if they were forced to come.

Anyway, the dinner went well later and i decided to be courteous. Mum too, decided to try to close rank - but failed. Too much resistance from the others! I can't believe that!

And this morning, just this morning, the daughter of one of my uncle (which also play a part in disowning my mum), greeted me at the office lift lobby. I did not know she was working in the same building as i am. I am happy that she did that. She proved to me that there is still hope, at least for my generation in the family.

There. Linen washed. But i believe this will stay dirty for a long time to come.

Lastly, on being overly defensive.

I am under a lot of stress and pressure at work. Which also explained the scarce update in this blog.

I will write on this the least as i am aware that my writing are being monitored.

Lets just say that i have my responsibilities running the program and there is a reason why it only takes me 2 years to be where i am now. I am not saying that i am "that good", but it has to be something else why am i here running the program to start with?

I clocked in the equal amount of time everyday like it is an Ironman race for me. I push myself through without fear or favour and lets just say at this point of time, i am not a favourite with management outside of Malaysia or Asia.

I can't believe a group of people with more than 15 years of working experience individually gets riled up by someone that is 33 years old with less than 10 years of working experience and has to be overly defensive with every single thing i brought up.

Either what i said hits the nail right at the center or they think what i said are just BS.

If it is BS, then remove me and replace me with someone that could do the work better (and can suck up to all of you as well).

I can always ply my trade somewhere else and now i start to regret (eventhough i told myself i shouldn't be) when the client (two different department) tried to pinch me over 5 months ago.

I got to go get a life, or at least get back what i've lost over the past 2 years.

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