Friday, May 18, 2007

Bad Time

Scale says i'm 81kg this morning. I stood there, naked. Wondering if the scale is inaccurate.

I did not run yesterday like i planned to. Changed, geared up and the moment i opened the door, it poured dogs and cats.

"Ee-Van, you going running in this weather???", Mum In Law asked me.


As if yesterday i wasn't feeling down, it had to rain on me and force me to cancel the 16km run plan.

To put things simply, work is not going well. There is simply no business coming in. Added with the facts that one company owe us so much money that and never did pay. Then, we owe people money because people did not pay us what they owe us.

Vicious cycle.

Sometimes, we wonder where (and when) the next pay cheque is coming; or are we gonna get paid!

My only outlet is to exert myself physically, and to lose some weight and then to improve on my own timing in races.

That also is not working.

I'm still fat. And now, i'm Fat and unhappy. I used to be Fat, but happy. Now, it's Fat AND Unhappy.

I know i shouldn't be complaining. There are many others which are in worse position than me, wondering where and when the next meal will ever/even come.

But if i were to compare with ppl worse off, or better off than me, then what's the point of living?

I race my own race. I have my own expectations. And currently, it's just not what i expect it to me, eventhough i've lowered that factor to rock bottom.

Just as we thought it won't get any worse, i know, things will happen, heads will roll.

Murphy's Law they call it.

It's Friday today, lets just hope the weekend will be kinder to me, and i hope to be just FAT on Monday.

It's just not me, to be writing like this, lest to feel this way.

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